(The Break-Up) (12/4/10)

If I could be with anyone in this world right now I would be with. I think about him so much. I am thinking about him right now, I wish he were near me. I really like him. I should have known better than to even let it get to this point. This blog is specifically put in place to describe the things he told me last time we spoke. He told me that the sex him & I had was some of the best sex he's ever had, because it was adventurous, spontaneous, and because of the look in my eyes. I really wish I lived in N.Y. right now. I am so far away. Last time we spoke he told me that he would come to Boston to see me. I would LOOOOOOOOVE for him to come here to see me, but I live with Him. Where was He when I lived in Quincy, alone? He said, "I just had a realization, having sex with you was some of the best sex I've ever had." He is so eloquent with words. I can't forget the time we spent with one another nor how amazing he is, although I am probably one of a million, I don't have much in my life that reminds me of light & love & happiness. The other one reminds me of sadness and darkness, and violence. That hurts a great deal and I wish that He was here with me at this very moment. Cuddling up with me & making me laugh.

Wonderful Realization (October 7. 2010)

Today I watched a bunch of inspirational videos featuring some of our great African-American leaders such as Cornel West, Malcolm X and James Baldwin. I have been inspired by them to further my education and make sure that I am not bombarded with images of self-hatred. I should have been taking notes, I need a lot more education. I need to learn how to talk properly and I will. I will dedicate my energy to self preservation, dedication and hard work. I will be 24 years old soon and I am not going to let time pass me by. I need an education. I want to start from scratch if I can. I just want to become a better person. I have been told that I am good at writing but now as I go back and look at my journey I have not worked very hard on my writing, instead I have put a lot of time and energy into frivolous things. The first thing I have to learn how to do is to speak correctly, and in order to do that I have to speak. I have always been a quiet individual. I wish I hadn't lost a sense of hope. I am not inferior and I am not incompetent and I have just as good of a right as anyone else to to great.

Love it!

Life

I think as I got a little older I have really changed. I am not sure what this world has done to me, but it has done a lot. Sometimes I feel like I have been thrown into the wilderness and left for wolves to feed on, wolves being those devils that founded this country and the wolves that lead it now, to be stuck in a prison not able to really understand where you belong is a fucked up thing. Also, being stuck in world where you have to pay for everything and you don't have any money makes it worse as well. How are people living, the human brain can only take so much, we can only work a certain amount of time before literally collapsing or potentially harming yourself by taking substances, pills, shots and other products or drugs to help you stay awake. I think that this really is a cold war, a cold war and I am just starting to realize it. When I was younger I thought things would be different when I grew up. When the teachers asked me what I wanted to be when I got older and I told them I wanted to be a singer, I never knew it would be this hard. I feel as if my life is very chaotic and so are the lives of many people around me. Everyone is so overwhelmingly sad and worried, I think that as things progress people should really try to make a change for themselves. Time, what is it really. I want my freedom and I want my life. My writing is absolutely horrible, I think it's a shame that I am in the condition that I am in, I wish someone would read this message and reach out to help me, because I am in dire need of it. I see the things that are happening to people around me and I am starting to realize that sometimes things really don't happen the way you would like them to happen. I really wish that I was born in another part of the world, I wish I was in a different space. I pay respect to my ancestors and hope they provide me guidance.

if its cool by champcampmusic

if its cool by champcampmusic

This song is absolutely incredible and it is one of the tightest songs or its caliber. Dueces!

Transition.

With a real slow fade. My life is kind of hectic and crazy right now in the midst of all of the beauty. I have realized that there is really nothing more in life than to love in its many forms. I believe that the people that came before me in this country have ruined it for us, but there is a better way of living. There is a way around all of the nonsense that we have to go through, There is a way to break free from all of the bondage, oppression and mental slavery that the evil white man wants us to submit to. That is also something that I'd like to talk about the term "White Man" I think that a lot of black conscious people that misuse the word. I think that we have the ears and hearts of many white people when we speak, but as soon as we use that term I am sure some of them turn their heads the other way. I don't know though because I know a lot of people will try to defend our misuse of the word and some may even bring up the fact that us using that word is no way as bad as the many years of mental & physical slavery and abuse. I understand it if someone was to say something like that but if we continue to reciprocate the hate that was brought our way we might as well be part of the problem. There is a large world out there and I have began to learn a lot of things that some may never, and I also learn a lot of things that some may not want me to.